Why don’t you like me?
A 12 year old kid wondered one day why her classmates in school got so many friends and she only had like 2. She tried befriending the cool ones but to her dismay, they surely doesn’t want to be friends with her. She tried also befriending the witty ones in class. But she didn’t get to ride off quickly with those brainy kids at school so that one did not worked out either. And so the last resort she has to add to her “friends list” are the ones who wants to be left alone. She gained a few “loner” friends but they didn’t last long as these new friends of hers went their own way because that’s really how they prefer their situation to be, to begin with.
The 3 of them stayed close until they finished College. She loved them, she cherished them. After all, they are the only ones who stayed her side when no one else would. She thought “I’d rather have a few trusted friends rather than having a lot, but stabs a knife when I turn my back” to ease the void she was looking for. This was the statement she lived for going to her adult life.
The girl grew to be courageous and strong. She trained herself by deliberately going into unlikely situations she is not comfortable to begin with, just to make herself more seasoned by the unlikely challenges of life and relationships. Just like a knife, sharpening itself, rejection after rejection. She then created a wall to protect her. So that she wouldn’t feel bad when someone rejects what she has to offer. Unconsciously, she became a woman who owns a strong persona. She worked her way up and found herself to be in a good standing in her career, where she has gained new friends, acquaintances, built relationships with the new people surrounding her.
She felt pleased. She felt contented. And she felt that the void she once usually craved, is now gone.
Time passes by, seasons change and so are people. She thought these new found friends, acquaintances and romantic relationships will last long — just like how her 2 friends has lasted in her life. She thought they are now her constant. Things became confusing to her when her “constants” started to pull away. Her relationship did not worked out the way she imagined it to be in the future. Friends, suddenly became the people who hurts her more and became the most toxic people one cannot even imagine. She was in the company of her family and her 2 constant friends.
One day, She just felt empty and tired. Tired of figuring out why the hell are these people acting like the way they are acting now. Tired of making herself adjust to meet the expectations of people around her. And greatly tired of subconsciously asking this question in her head. “WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?” why is she always be the one to adjust? why does she always feel rewarded when someone gave her that little crumb of affirmation and all of a sudden, every de-valuing feeling she felt with that person goes away that easy? and lastly, why does she always be the one to force herself to accept all of those immature and bullshit reasons of a person leaving her? She has lots and lots of why’s in her heart and feels trapped inside this dark bubble that it was only she and her breath could fit in.
The truth of the matter is, this girl doesn’t realize that she has a very big heart. It was so big, that she thought she could fit & accommodate a lot of people inside. She thought all along that an assurance of people staying with her will happen when she better herself everyday, understand and become the bigger person and giving an all-out cast of everything she got! She did not realize that this will soon consume her and eat her alive. It’s a perfect recipe to ruin herself and de-value herself. It’s like a wishful thinking or subconsciously wishing her own demise emotionally. Sometimes, having a certain good trait or attitude becomes your greatest enemy when applied too much on the other end. Not balanced. One can see balance right at the center of acceptance where mental stability lies.
What happened to her?
She has realized. She has started to open her eyes to see the lessons the world has to offer. That right perspective just opened up in her giving her a glimpse of the true reward at the end of this tunnel. And that true reward happens when she have that self confidence, that self-dependence and freedom. Free from what other people will think about her when she chooses herself this time. Free from that pressure of thinking of pleasing all these people around her to like her. To love her. And to not leave. Becoming so strong to stand for herself but finding that core balance inside her to still highlight that sweet, innocent and generous heart of hers — Now this, is the true REWARD.
It’s the end of this story telling but her life with her new-found perspective has just started. Will leave you with a nice quote I read from @happynowquotes…
“Not to spoil the ending for you, but the pure-hearted win in the end. REMEMBER THAT.”
